Incomplete. I felt incomplete for a moment as I stood there, staring at that kid who was trying to get the ball in the basket. He had nobody around him, only a teacher who was recording his time and appreciating his efforts. His right hand was completely twisted, he was taking those shots with his left hand. He was one of those special kids of Hershey High School. His mind was a little unstable. I stood their, unable to move, emotions running hard in my body, a mixture of nervousness and excitement shot through my body and I lunged forward towards the basketball court. I could sense his loneliness. His sadness. Him, unable to jump around and celebrate,unable to give high fives every time he scored. I stopped dead on my way. What was I doing. He was probably better than me. He was better than me in the game, he didn't need my pity, he was complete. The ball hit the rim and made its way to me. I stared at the ball and back towards that kid and met his eyes. My lips widened showing my teeth. I picked the ball up and passed him, he smiled back. After some time some kids from the gym class joined him and began playing with him. They shouted every time he scored, gave him high fives and hugged him. I was happy but was dumbstruck at the same time. I felt jealous. I was complete yet incomplete. I didn't get all the attention he was getting. I had no friends to this point in U.S.A. I wanted people to play with me, hang out with me like they were doing it with him. Tears came to my eyes. The tears were not triggered by the facts that I had not that many friends. They were triggered from the fact that in some part of my brain there was this thought, the thought shouting, saying that these people are just playing with him because they pity him. I was sad how people treated each other differently just because they were not "normal". As a matter of fact it is us who are not normal. I was lost in my thoughts when my hand felt warm. My eyes followed through and I saw a hand in my hand. I looked up. He was smiling, holding my hand. "Jamie, play" these were his words. "Usman" I replied with a big smile on my face. We played. Played like crazy. Then I realized something. I realized that Usman you think way too much. We all are equal. We all are friends. No one, in individual is complete, no one is perfect.We all share some kind of bonds with each other and these bonds makes us complete. It is our bonds that strengthens us, gives us power to fight. I cannot make things perfect but We can make things perfect. I cannot change the world, as a matter of fact I can't even change myself but we can change the world, it is us who can influence each others life in so many ways. It was him who made me think about all these things. Things, which wouldn't have thought about, otherwise.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Apple Bees
"You should try Jalapeno shrimps, they are spicy enough to suit your taste" suggested my dad as I helplessly stared at the confusing menu and nodded in agreement. It was an usual Saturday evening when my host dad decided to take me to the Apple Bees so I could taste some "American" food. I was excited and now we were here where I have ordered my ever first Jalapeno Shrimps. The waitress served us with our drinks before serving the food. I drank half of mine (which I later realized, was a big mistake) . The order finally arrived. The Jalapeno shrimps looked fabulous, the
aroma of the food made my tummy go 'brrhh'.
It was one of those dishes you see serving in Master chef and how delicately the judges slice through the food making it look way more delicious than it actually is, well it was my moment. The Jalapeno shrimps were served with rice and big chunks of salad. The shrimps were simply amazing. The rice also looked good. Lets try, I thought. I took a spoon full of rice and believe me they had NO TASTE what so ever. My dad noticed this and gave me a hot sauce (Name I forgot). I grabbed it and start pouring it all over my dish as my dad stared in disbelief. "You should try a little because you don't know how hot (chilly) it is" he said, I nodded but kind of ignored his request or advice and kept pouring. Now it should taste awesome. I took another spoon full, the hotness literally burned my mouth.. It spread like a fire, hurting each of my teeth and forcing me to take out my tongue and breath like a dog. How in the world was I supposed to finish that thing. I couldn't simply leave it, dad payed for it and it would seem rather rude leaving the dish like that. After three spoons I finished the rest of my dish. Now I had no drink to accompany me to finish my awful dish. I had no courage to ask my dad for another drink. So I picked up my fork and forcefully ate the whole thing. You guys have no idea what I went through. After I was done, I felt like fainting, my head was spinning and only single thought pondering over my mind "LETS GET OUT OF THIS PLACE". As soon as we reached home I drank 2 gallons of water and had a very disturbing night, because that single trip to Apple Bees gave me tickets to 10 trips to the Toilet. :P After that I swore I would never visit Apple Bees again, never in my life and never in my life would I take that sauce.
aroma of the food made my tummy go 'brrhh'.
It was one of those dishes you see serving in Master chef and how delicately the judges slice through the food making it look way more delicious than it actually is, well it was my moment. The Jalapeno shrimps were served with rice and big chunks of salad. The shrimps were simply amazing. The rice also looked good. Lets try, I thought. I took a spoon full of rice and believe me they had NO TASTE what so ever. My dad noticed this and gave me a hot sauce (Name I forgot). I grabbed it and start pouring it all over my dish as my dad stared in disbelief. "You should try a little because you don't know how hot (chilly) it is" he said, I nodded but kind of ignored his request or advice and kept pouring. Now it should taste awesome. I took another spoon full, the hotness literally burned my mouth.. It spread like a fire, hurting each of my teeth and forcing me to take out my tongue and breath like a dog. How in the world was I supposed to finish that thing. I couldn't simply leave it, dad payed for it and it would seem rather rude leaving the dish like that. After three spoons I finished the rest of my dish. Now I had no drink to accompany me to finish my awful dish. I had no courage to ask my dad for another drink. So I picked up my fork and forcefully ate the whole thing. You guys have no idea what I went through. After I was done, I felt like fainting, my head was spinning and only single thought pondering over my mind "LETS GET OUT OF THIS PLACE". As soon as we reached home I drank 2 gallons of water and had a very disturbing night, because that single trip to Apple Bees gave me tickets to 10 trips to the Toilet. :P After that I swore I would never visit Apple Bees again, never in my life and never in my life would I take that sauce.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Broken dreams, Reality and Perception.
Perception… It changed everything.
The brightness of my laptop burned my eyes; I felt like disposing the laptop screen with a hammer. He died. The only words stuck in my head. The words which brought me to this real world, changed my perception about everything.
The news broke to me on Sunday, September 8th, 2012. I was on Facebook, as usual, checking my news feed. The world was spinning at its normal pace. The aroma of my chicken roll delighted my mood. I opened my big moth to take a bite but stopped dead on the way. I stopped against my will; the thing which grabbed my hand, my attention was this sole Facebook status: ‘Zain Died R.I.P”.I swore. I rushed my pointer towards the blue highlighted name and clicked on it; nightmare became reality. Zain was dead. His whole wall was blanketed with statuses regarding hi death. I felt as if my heart would stop beating right away; with every moment passing my breath got heavier and heavier; my eyes, sparkly with tears, body numb with fear and pain. Isolated. I was isolated, dumbstruck. Moments later my phone rang, the sharp tone of the phone didn’t break my paralysis. I blinked twice and reached for the phone. I knew what was coming next. “Zain died” sobbed Basit. My brain stopped working, now it was in agony.”Hello? Usman? You there?” I was going nuts. I didn’t answer. I hung up.
Two hours had passed and I was still crying; my pillow wet form my tears, face buried. I was glad tears had no colors. Everything was different now. I was still not accepting the fact that he was dead. This was maybe because my mind was constantly putting me in his place and I cannot imagine myself dead. What if I would’ve died , what would’ve happened to my dreams, family, friends and everything I held so dear? The pain returned. I got up. With a spinning head, I wobbled downstairs to turn on the T.V. To get my mind distracted I tried concentrating on the football game but Zain’s image was stuck in my head. I sat there for a long time. Loneliness took over me. My heart sank.
Zain’s death taught me a lot of things. It was for the first tme I ever felt that I have lost something close to me. I realized how it felt when something close to you is snatched away against your will. Zain’s death rought me to the face of reality. My perception about everything changed. I experienced Paradigm shift. After his death I began to look at things differently, not only from my point of view but from other people’s point of view as well. I realized that world didn’t spin around you. If you die the world wont stop working. Time won’t stop for you. Zain’s death drove me to a little island where everybody cared for each other, where you valued other people’s morals, where you think about others before thinking about yourself. A place where there was peace and logic. I started taking responsibility for everything I did instead of blaming others. I realized there were consequence for everything you did.Life is short. You have no control over it . I learned that you have to keep people you love happy because you don’t know when they’ll leave this world. I learned to be selfless and more determined than ever. Zain’s death taught me things which I never would have learned otherwise. There is a moment in everybody’s life which changes him/her from a child to an adult. This was my moment.
The brightness of my laptop burned my eyes; I felt like disposing the laptop screen with a hammer. He died. The only words stuck in my head. The words which brought me to this real world, changed my perception about everything.
The news broke to me on Sunday, September 8th, 2012. I was on Facebook, as usual, checking my news feed. The world was spinning at its normal pace. The aroma of my chicken roll delighted my mood. I opened my big moth to take a bite but stopped dead on the way. I stopped against my will; the thing which grabbed my hand, my attention was this sole Facebook status: ‘Zain Died R.I.P”.I swore. I rushed my pointer towards the blue highlighted name and clicked on it; nightmare became reality. Zain was dead. His whole wall was blanketed with statuses regarding hi death. I felt as if my heart would stop beating right away; with every moment passing my breath got heavier and heavier; my eyes, sparkly with tears, body numb with fear and pain. Isolated. I was isolated, dumbstruck. Moments later my phone rang, the sharp tone of the phone didn’t break my paralysis. I blinked twice and reached for the phone. I knew what was coming next. “Zain died” sobbed Basit. My brain stopped working, now it was in agony.”Hello? Usman? You there?” I was going nuts. I didn’t answer. I hung up.
Two hours had passed and I was still crying; my pillow wet form my tears, face buried. I was glad tears had no colors. Everything was different now. I was still not accepting the fact that he was dead. This was maybe because my mind was constantly putting me in his place and I cannot imagine myself dead. What if I would’ve died , what would’ve happened to my dreams, family, friends and everything I held so dear? The pain returned. I got up. With a spinning head, I wobbled downstairs to turn on the T.V. To get my mind distracted I tried concentrating on the football game but Zain’s image was stuck in my head. I sat there for a long time. Loneliness took over me. My heart sank.
Zain’s death taught me a lot of things. It was for the first tme I ever felt that I have lost something close to me. I realized how it felt when something close to you is snatched away against your will. Zain’s death rought me to the face of reality. My perception about everything changed. I experienced Paradigm shift. After his death I began to look at things differently, not only from my point of view but from other people’s point of view as well. I realized that world didn’t spin around you. If you die the world wont stop working. Time won’t stop for you. Zain’s death drove me to a little island where everybody cared for each other, where you valued other people’s morals, where you think about others before thinking about yourself. A place where there was peace and logic. I started taking responsibility for everything I did instead of blaming others. I realized there were consequence for everything you did.Life is short. You have no control over it . I learned that you have to keep people you love happy because you don’t know when they’ll leave this world. I learned to be selfless and more determined than ever. Zain’s death taught me things which I never would have learned otherwise. There is a moment in everybody’s life which changes him/her from a child to an adult. This was my moment.
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